Disclosing Family Secrets

Mar 19

This piece was originally published online as part of the United Church of Canada’s 40 Days of Engagement on Anti-Racism, 2022.

What stories are told—and not told—in our families about racism?

Learning

Every family has its secrets. Our country does, too.

When Nana (my grandmother), at 92 years of age, dictated her memories to a biographer she was in early stages of dementia. The tenderly-loosening connection to reality had a profound effect on her tongue and all the family secrets poured out. Once the vault was empty—stories of lost fortunes, severe addictions, mental health challenges, and racist beliefs running wild— my grandmother become horrified by what she’d done. She took up a pen and removed every unpleasant word until our family was properly pleasant and boring once more.

You can lock away painful stories, but intergenerational effects remain. They just become harder to heal. As with physical malady, one can’t diagnose or prescribe treatment if one is solely fixed on the healthy body parts. A family or a country in denial is likely to grow increasingly ill. The secrets particular to my family led me to wonder about my culture and country. What was my family’s role then and now in perpetuating racism? The Bible says ancestral sins fall on future generations and, if you don’t know what those sins are, you can grow up mistaking them for blessings. White supremacy and White privilege are built on past and present sins disguised as blessings for White people.

All my life I’d heard stories about my great-great-grandfather, reverently referred to as The Senator. Lionized as part of our immigrant success story, he was a well-respected politician whose thriving business helped found the Toronto Junction neighbourhood. Twenty years after confederation, from 1887 until 1911, Archibald Campbell was an elected Member of Parliament, until Prime Minister Laurier appointed him to the Senate. But My Nana’s biography makes no mention of his involvement, as a voting member of parliament, in amending the colonial legislation that continues to control Indigenous peoples' lives (the Indian Act), the Chinese Head Tax increases, nor the immigration policies that restricted people from non-European countries which in-effect significantly limited newcomers to “Whites-only.”

My ancestor was one of over two hundred exclusively White men taking over our country’s nascent identity and future. It’s clear from the research I’ve done so far that at the expense of people who were not White, The Senator and most of his colonial colleagues were seeking to

create a comfortable home for themselves where only people of northern European ancestry could maximize their potential.

It is uncomfortable to single out my ancestor. “Why drag out these unpleasantries?” I can hear my grandmother admonish. As Member of Parliament for York, he represented the interests of many White, mostly male citizens whose sins of commission and omission built and maintained these racist structures. He wasn’t alone. Like family secrets, our country can only heal when the whole grievous truth is brought to light and properly redressed, and it will take more than this minor act of Campbell-family truth-telling to do so. But sins in the abstract are harder to internalize and heal than inherited ones, so this is my humble starting place. This is my family’s legacy to accept, perpetuate, or redirect towards something better.

Every family has its secrets. Our country does, too.

My Nana believed she failed the ancestors when she let the stories loose. I believe her honesty offers new hope for the descendants, one where right relationship becomes possible if we start from a place of truth telling.

Faith Reflection

Matthew 5:23-24 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your sibling has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.

God wants peace in the family of Creation. Jesus’ prayer “that all may be one,” (John 15-16) is the work of the people (the worship) we are called to do. It starts with admitting the state of our relationships, with one another and the earth, so we can be reconciled.

Action

The point of uncovering one’s family history is not to alienate ancestors. Nor is it about saying that was a long time ago, and we’re less racist now. No one is unaffected by racism.

I offer these actions as humble examples from of my own attempts to take action. They are by no means exhaustive or enough, but they may inspire you into actions of your own:

Explore books and workshops developed by Indigenous and racialized creators, which helps with learning and unlearning.
Redistribute wealth through planned giving to organizations led by people who are Indigenous and racialized.
Shift the culture where you work by undergoing equity training and committing to racial parity on your board and in your hiring practice. Be intentional about creating space that honours diverse Indigenous and racialized leadership.
Commit to exploring the systemic barriers codified in law and ossified under the guise of Canadian cultural norms and work towards change, across generations.
Be determined to take action for racial justice. Knowing you’ll make mistakes, be ready to ask forgiveness and start over with the tenacity and humility of faith in the God of Grace, Spirit of Hope, and Reconciling Christ.

Wherever you are on this journey of truth, reparation, and reconciliation, my prayers, encouragement, and gratitude go with you.

About the Author

Alexa Gilmour (she/her) is a United Church minister, community activist, and National Director of Stone Soup Network, a charitable program that helps meet basic immediate needs while developing a community’s capacity for grassroots solutions to injustice and sustainability issues. Her ministry, writing, and public speaking share a common theme of building just, equitable, sustainable, and inclusive communities. Her renewal is found in hiking the wild places accompanied by Spirit.